Boy Meets Tractor

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Behram is like Hungry Joe, no one can resist his wily cajolery. And if you can identify this reference when you see him, he will give you a dollar (not really, as he is very cheap). Behram will also premiere with us soon.

“B-work” is a new recruit to the cult and has quickly risen to his position as Token Fraternity Brother.

Sara is the token laundry-folder.

If she could be any molecule, she would be a histone protein so she could fold your genes.

Mr. Steel!

Nicco looks sweet and cuddly. Looks.

Marina eats worms and spits them out over her opponents…or whoever she wants to.

Jesse is the rock & roller of our group. Look at that hair.

A long time ago, there was once a great wizard of considerable power. And to his three sons did this wizard, Benkalar, issue a great boon. To Nebelsim he gave great strength, to Joboti a mighty intellect, and to Vinthio fame lasting all ages. But to none of them did he give his true power. For a time would come when the Age of Doom would be at hand, and the great sage of Migoroboma would be nigh, for then did the kingdom of Greylance need the power most. Yet in that age the king of Greylance, Kivon, knew nothing of Migoroboma or the might of Benkalar. But he was illegitimate. The true king had been exiled in his youth, and had come to great fame and power in the northernlands of Trubatkro, interestingly, but unsurprisingly, by the aid of a great wizard named Koo. Dark times were well nigh for Trubatkro and its denizens, the Ice Giants of Peikan, but they knew nothing, save that Koo was struck ill by a terrifying illness never before seen in those lands, but quite common in the westshire of Migoroboma. However, the Ice Giants were ignorant fools, and they discarded the last oracle of Umjamfin, god of taxidermy. For their impiety, they would pay the ultimate price. Yet that is not the story at hand. For lo! from the east came a great typhoon, headed by the Lord of the Sea, Xishmal. But he was no god, as the mortals of his age believed, but in fact a mortal. Yet on the fifteenth anniversary of his father’s purchase of the greatest farm ever known, he gained strange powers. That was in the beforetime, prior to the Ultimate Reckoning. And his last word, unbeknownst to him in that happy hour, would be “Jamison.”

Question: Who is Fletcher? Is he:

1. A late 19^th century physicist and engineer, credited with the invention of modern electrical alternating power systems.

2. A 20^th century pulp science fiction writer and psychological philosopher, whose writings served as the basis of a widely influential transnational corporation/religious movement.

3. The last of his extinct race, wielding the power cosmic and doomed forever to roam the universe as the herald of the world-devourer Galactus.

4. An intelligent, self-replicating parasite nanovirus/thoughtform/hallucenogen, transmitted through audiovisual exposure and overwriting the consciousness of its host, manifesting itself through your deepest primordial fears and desires and burning itself into your dreams.

5. The fierce new god of our hideous electrical age, torn from the cosmic womb and born in a tempest of celestial fluids, avatar of Horus, tragicomic post-post-modern messiah, both being and anti-being, light and anti-light (which could also possibly be described as ‘darkness’). Stare into his tragic blue anime-eyes, and the secrets of the universe will be revealed unto you.

6. An English Literature major at a small liberal arts college in Pennsylvania

7. None of the above.

8. All of the above, including answer (7).

Remember to include at least three outside sources in your answer and to use the appropriate citation format. Show your work for partial credit.

Madalyn is our fearless leader. Hail.

Alex was born on the streets of South Central LA. Tragically, his mother died from complications during this “street” birth, when an unsuspecting taxi driver made an illegal right turn on red. Alex, thankfully, was unharmed, but suffered most of his life from nightmares in which monochrome yellow featured prominently. Partially colorblind since birth, his entire youth was spent unwittingly jumping between the Crypts and Bloods street gangs, setting the scene for situations ending in hilarity as often as they did in double homicide. At 18, he was finally able to escape the street life through a singing career when a local rap producer noticed his rapid-fire rhyming talent one day when overhearing an acid-induced argument between Alex and a mailbox. The mailbox was also signed as a backup singer for the label. Alex’s singing career was successful but short lived as he was senselessly gunned down at a concert when a fan became a little too careless while waving his hands in the air. While his death was tragic, many took away a powerful lesson from the incident, along with most of the audio equipment left by the fleeing band. On the brighter side, Alex’s posthumous releases were even more successful than his prehumous ones. Some believe, however, that Alex is still alive and well, and residing in Jamaica. Other equally ridiculous reports have him performing sketch comedy as a Junior at Swarthmore College.

If gods had to pick up women, Alex believes these would be their most common pick up lines:
1) Hey baby, can I buy you a drink. Can I form you an Island.
2) Hey baby, is it just me, or are you levitating. Oh sorry, that is me.
3) Girl, You’re so cute I could spare your family.
4) Deus Ex Machina baby!